Getting Better

Well, finally, after a hiatus of about 2 weeks, I was back to work.  Before taking a break, I was suffering from severe anxiety over 'messing up' every dog I touched. I'm not sure what caused the problem, but it was extremely debilitating.  Then along with it came a fear of being bitten.  Again, no reason for it.  It just WAS. For the last week before christmas I found myself unable to finish a dog for one reason or another, and let mom finish them for me. Some of it was time constraints, some were difficult dogs, some were silly things, like fear of cutting the eyebrows off a schnauzer. Go figure.

That horrible streak finally came to an end yesterday.  Although my dogs still took 2 hours each, and they weren't what I would call perfect by any means, they were done, they were clean, neat, and completed by me. Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures because I was more focused on relaxing and getting the job done. But for the first time in about a month, I was relaxed and enjoying what I did.  I'm sure hoping to have broken that horrible streak of anxiety and lack of confidence!

As for the diet, well....  Okay, still struggling with the whole shake thing. The ViSalus powder came in the mail and I started back on them yesterday.  But last night at my birthday party, I ate more than I should have.  But considering the shakes are only about 350 cals each, and I had them for two meals, I should still have had a fairly low intake based on weight watchers points.  (Though I haven't put them in yet)

I also need to add exercise in some form or another to my regimen.   Not just for weight loss, but also to help with the depression I've been feeling.  I saw the doctor yesterday and he increased my medication.  The fact that I'm actually writing today shows me that it's already working.  *Insert sigh of relief here*

Taking a Dive

The last week has been extremely difficult. The depression is getting worse every day, and I just can't seem to find motivation or joy in anything I do.  I've been taking abilify which was a wonderful help, but seems to have suddenly stopped working. I'm taking long naps, can't seem to focus on anything for more than 30 minutes, and just feel an overall sense of hopelessness.  I wish I could point to the root cause. Much of it has been since I quit my nursing job. Am I having second thoughts about giving up my career?  I just don't know. It seems I'm having second thoughts about everything these days.  I just can't commit to any one thing.

This has left me feeling like all I want to do is eat and sleep, which is not good for me or my weight loss.  I have gained back most of what I lost last week, and continue to mindlessly binge.  The dog ate what remained of my Visalus powder, but my 1 month shipment is scheduled to arrive today.  Then I have to figure out how to go about my 2 shakes a day.  I love preparing dinner and eating with the kids.  But with being at the grooming salon during the day, maybe my best bet is to eat my well balanced meal at noon so that I don't stuff myself in the evening.  Guess I still need to do some thinking.  We shall see.

In the mean time, I suppose I need to call my doctor and make another appointment.

Getting through the week

Isn't always amazing how so much hard work can be undone with much less work?

This week, with New Years festivities, and my birthday, and the kids returning home, I'd wait and do my meal planning.  My daughter begged for lasagna, so I made it.  The New Years Party was another excuse.  But truly there are no excuses.  I gained the 10 lbs I lost last week back this week.  Much of it is probably water weight because I also forgot to take my blood pressure medicine, but it's back on track for me today. (Even if it is my birthday).

Depression and stress are reeking havoc on my resolve.  Some days I just don't feel like I have the strength to do it. Other days I just plain forget until I'm halfway through something I probably shouldn't be eating. My 'new' habits aren't quite habits yet, but I'll be working on that.  Anyway, back to it today. I only fail if I quit.